When Demons Play

I see cracks in your wall but an aching in your soul, The light in my fingertips will illuminate your wounds, 

I’ll drag your damaged humanity into the woods, 

Where the moonlight and the stars remind you of beauty, 

The roots of the trees will sink into our veins,  

Our blood will transfuse and connect us as one, 

Your heart screams as my darkness engulfs your soul, 

Thump, thump, thump, 

It won’t stop, it’s so loud, 

I slowly work my way through your sternum, 

Grasp your heart in my hand…

You see the hunger in my eyes as I pull..

You don’t yell, you don’t cry, you just meet my gaze as you fade into the dying light. 

Feelings.

65 miles an hour, the air is chilly, the sun is rising. Inhale. 

Exhale. 

Music fills the air around them,

Nervous words and laughter fill the air between them, 

One hand on the steering wheel, his other hand gently traces the length of her forearm to her finger tips, 

70 miles an hour, sun high in the sky 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

Fingers laced together, 

His eyes on the road, 

Her eyes on him, 

Looking at him as if desperately trying to engrain the shape of his face in her mind, 

He looks at her and smiles, 

Melting her with quiet gesture. 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

Sun is setting, 

Car is parked, tent is put together while he gathers firewood,

The fire crackles as they sit near one another for extra warmth against the night air, 

Stars are glowing, aching to be noticed, 

Mountains reflect off the water in the moonlight, 

He looks at her, she looks at him. 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

  

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As the sun sets it reflects over the water. It makes me feel small in this universe yet so alive. The fresh air and the mountain view..it’s amazing how I don’t forget to breathe. Peace falls over me just as the sun’s fading light falls over the trees. When the sun is gone the moon lights up the lake, the reflection giving off an ambient glow. The infinite view of stars gives me hope for a fresh start. No matter how stressed the earth gets, the moon and the sun still rise like clock work. People have the hardest time believing we can alter our state when we feel the weight of the world. Waiting for us to break or retreat.. if you stand stronger with that weight your burdens disappear. Just like everyday and night is new and whole and free, you can be too. 

True Love

The day we reconnected and our eyes met I knew, the day I realized how much I longed for you, you carried the soul mine had been missing, I stood my ground and held onto all I thought I’d be risking, you set your intentions and broke down my wall, I never knew how hard I could fall, weeks had passed and we were tangled, in a web of passion that was unbreakable, our lips met and my eyes wept as you asked me that question, it shattered my resistance and taught me a lesson, without you I would falter there is no doubt, it took months to realize what my feelings were about, a leap of faith opened my heart, I feel so misplaced when we are apart, only with you I’d enjoy getting old, I love you with my whole mind, body and soul.

An Ode To Joy

Imagine yourself stuck in a dimly lit room. There are no doors, there are no windows, there is no where to let your screams escape. You hold your breath with the hope that this is all a dream. You exhale..when you inhale the walls move toward you in unison. With every inhale your claustrophobia kicks in and your anxiety spirals out of control, but you must not breathe.
“Calm down!” They say casually but to you it’s an echo that doesn’t stop.
“You’re overreacting!” They hiss.
Your demons look like the people you love but they taunt you.
“You aren’t like us! You’re pathetic”
Your tears stream down your face and your lungs scream for air. You inhale so fast the walls move toward you at the same speed. You open your eyes and the walls have fallen..blue skies, green grass with a floral garden surrounding a fountain. You follow the path to this beautiful pool of water, you lean over and see your reflection. It doesn’t look like you..you reach out to graze the image in front of you but the moment you touch it you’re back in your small dark room.
Motionless, quiet, alone.
Depression is not easy to live with.

I Wonder

I wonder what pushes people,
A phrase?
Love?
Passion?
Strength?
Desperation?
Desperation to become a better version of yourself. Striving to find yourself in a lost world. Realize your place and maintain your balance.
Make a career, start a family, buy a house, swim in debt like the people before us.

I wonder what pushes a person to force others to change.
Control?
Fear?
Hate?
We can’t be who we are when we’re young because nobody let’s us. Always encouraged and pushed to act like a big kid, a young adult. We let that thought pass through generations of children and we punish them for being like us.
We get angry, sad, do things we regret..we change. Yet we expect others to be perfect for our sake.
Raising generations of oppressed children instead of encouraging them to act of their own free will.
No wonder the world is crumbling before us.

Just Remember.

You spent your years held down, forced to live with a boulder on your chest, crushing your sternum, cracking your rib cage, impaling your lungs. The tears stopped flowing when the pain became comfort, your anguish became you’re home.

Then there he was, this bright light, this promise of hope, a new way of life, dangling in front of you just out of reach. But he noticed you. He wanted your happiness, your smile, your tears to dry and disappear. He lifted the weight on your chest. Oh the relief.

You were free, your spirit could soar, your lungs filled with fresh air. Laughing became easier, smiling became your favorite, you left a trail of gold wherever you went. Months of euphoria felt like years.

His arms grew weary and his patience wore thin, he did what he could, he gave you your freedom. He wanted your happiness but not your sorrow. He wanted your smile but never your frown. He wanted your tears to dry but to never return. He wanted the half of you that has never been known.

Return to your home while he rests his arms, maybe next time he will be stronger. Maybe next time he will accept all he did not want before. You must be patient. Grit your teeth through the pain and bear your weight. It’s settled and restructured you once again. You just have to remember one thing.

This isn’t permanent.